


Sundew

by deerest_love



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 07:06:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19865503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deerest_love/pseuds/deerest_love
Summary: sundew (ˈsʌnˌdju:)nounany of several bog plants of the genus Drosera, having leaves covered with sticky hairs that trap and digest insects.





	Sundew

**Author's Note:**

> sundew (ˈsʌnˌdju:)
> 
> noun
> 
> any of several bog plants of the genus Drosera, having leaves covered with sticky hairs that trap and digest insects.

It started as a fine white mist, but before long individual droplets began to form. Eventually one of these droplets grew so heavy that it began to trail down, absorbing those below it as it traveled to the window sill. Once there, it flattened out, seeming to disappear into the wood. As the girl lying in bed watched the condensation from her own breath, it occurred to her that she would not be getting anything done today, after all.

She relaxed into her bed and gazed at the frost patterns on the window. They were dense and feathery, and putting her face close to them yielded the girl an encapsulating feeling like laying down in a thicket of icy ferns. Through a little gap, she could see the ash grey bark of a familiar evergreen tree outside. She thought about being that tree: feeling the weight of the snow on its branches, the pricking of countless birds’ toes, the warm sun on every needle. She imagined watching dispassionately as the sun crawled across the sky day after day, as the clouds slowly morphed and merged and broke apart, and as the snowflakes drifted unhurriedly toward the ground and blanketed it in uniform white. When spring eventually came, she would watch as the leaf buds on the deciduous trees grew, and as the young leaves swelled from tiny dots into a mass of jade. The mental image reminded her of something- a certain feeling.

If she focused now, she could sense that feeling like a tugging in her heart. It was warm and fluttery, and stilled her every movement except for her breathing. Yet it was as ephemeral as it was peaceful- trying to invoke it was like trying to court the breeze. Even so, the girl felt compelled to do so. She put her hand close to her chest and waited expectantly. With her eyes closed, her attention turned to the warmth of her body under the blankets and the cool draft on her face. She noticed her position- how her fingers were laid out on the sheets, how her cheek rested against the pillow. She could imagine the shape of the bed conforming to her body.

As the hour passed, the girl began to lose awareness of her body and to forget where she was, almost as if she were falling asleep again. She thought the tugging feeling had started to grow more urgent as well, but it is possible that impression was merely caused by her own impatience.

“Hello?”, she thought. She tried to project a welcoming feeling. She felt a little, electric tingle as though in response, and though she could not confirm it, she assumed this was from a separate entity rather than a part of herself. “I am here,” she thought. “I will listen to you. Please come out.”

The girl began to feel warmer inside, as the tugging feeling turned into waves of emotion. It was a little dizzying, and the girl noticed that her breaths, though still calm and deep, quickened. She shuddered slightly, but maintained her focus. She continued to beckon this unknown entity, and forced herself to expect a response.

The response did come, though it took a while for the girl to recognise it. She received it as an unexpected feeling of relief, a sentiment that she confidently felt was foreign. She could not help but feel giddy, and a warm smile spread across her face. “Hello!”, she thought (moreso, felt). “I knew you were there! I was really hoping I would get to communicate with you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” the entity “said”- again, it was more of a feeling that a thought.

“I feel like you are a little apprehensive.” The girl giggled silently. “You need not worry. I know the beautiful feelings I have come to know recently have come from you. I could not feel ill will toward you if I wanted to.” She felt the entity’s gratitude in response.

“Thank you. The feelings I have shared with you are in fact my own hopes. I am glad to know that you have received them.”

“What is it that brings you such hope, dear?” The girl began to notice a strange phenomenon: she could perceive a vague, radial shape despite having her eyes closed, and she thought she could just barely detect some unfamiliar scent on her nose. Once again she could not confirm that this was not just her imagination, but these would have been odd things for her to imagine.

“The thought of growing close to more people,” the entity told her. “I have been alone for too long, and it has made me weak.”

“It’s good that you want to grow close to more people. Personally, I want to be as close to you as possible.” She giggled. “I guess that sounds a bit greedy, does it not?”

“Certainly you are no more greedy than I. That said, if you wish to grow closer, it is possible.”

“How, how?”

“Similarly to how we became acquainted in the first place. I was able to establish an empathic bond with you, though at present we are still two distinct entities. We can strengthen that bond if you like, even to such a degree that we will no longer be separable.”

“So, I can become part of you?”

“We would become one. In a sense one could not fairly call that ‘me’. Though, we would assume my form.”

“You have a form? Like, a physical form?”

“That is difficult to answer with a yes or no. At present I can only manifest physically to those who I have formed a bond with, and even then, only in a limited way. Forming strong bonds with people has a reifying effect, however, which can eventually enable me to manifest for anyone, and to have a tangible body like all of the other creatures you know.”

“Oh, that’s lovely. I would love to look at you; I feel like you must look beautiful.”

“At present, that may not be possible. But at the very least, it would be possible for me to touch you.”

“Really? Well, you are certainly welcome to do so, dear.”

“I will touch your left hand, then. Just try not to be startled.”

The sensation felt surprisingly real, though it was not like a human’s skin or an animal’s fur. It was warm and sticky feeling, like candy that had been left in the sun. The girl noticed that the scent she had detected earlier seemed stronger now, such that she could actually ascribe characteristics to it. It was sweet and pungent, like lemon, with clean undertones resembling the smell of alcohol. The girl laughed quietly and trembled. “I’m so excited! I can’t believe you’re really there… Oh my god…” She felt a sense of relief from the entity.

“I am glad that you find this pleasing. It means a lot to me.”

“Hey, love… let’s do it now. I want to become one with you.”

“I was certainly hoping you would say that, but are you sure you want to do it now? It is okay if you want to take care of a few things first.”

“I am sure. It is not as if anyone would understand if I left behind a note explaining things, and honestly, it has already been too long.”

“Very well- let us begin. It will be easier if you let me envelop you.”

“Please, do as you like.” She felt the entity’s touch cling to the back of her legs, then her torso, then her arms and neck. In some places it felt like one continuous surface, but in other places, like her hands, she could distinguish many different points of contact clustered together. The touches spread to her sides and then her front, as if the entity were wrapping itself around her. It was gentle around her face, and avoided her eyes and mouth. The thought of an insect being fossilised in amber arose in the girl’s mind.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes, I am fine.”

“Okay. I need to tell you this before we begin: even though I do not doubt that you sincerely desire your assimilation, it will not be simple to achieve. A drowning person cannot help but try to inhale even if she is underwater, and a person’s ego is similar. Your natural reaction will be to resist. I can overpower this instinct, but it will be uncomfortable for you. In my experience, physical pain helps to divert a person’s attention from this resistance, and expedite the process. I have enveloped you for this reason. I will inflict pain, but it should not be unbearable. The aim is that it should just be enough to draw your attention.”

The girl took a deep breath. “I will permit whatever you feel you need to do.”

“Thank you. I will begin now. I know this is asking the impossible, but do try to relax and surrender to the process if you can.”

The girl was not really sure what to expect, but she tried her best to comply. Initially, the feeling she got was a little like the effects of a sedative. To simply say that her mind emptied might have been an understatement, as she began to lose track of even subconscious ideas: her sense of herself as a human, memory of the entity who she had just been talking to and what she was even doing right now. She forgot about swallowing. But still she remained acutely aware of the entity’s touch, and of a growing sense of pain in her head almost like the aching one feels from staring at a bright light. It felt like a kind of pressure. A vast electric tide coursed through the girl’s body, sort of like the excitement she felt upon “talking” with the entity for the first time. It came in discrete waves at first, which were enjoyable, even if a bit overpowering. But as time passed, these waves came more rapidly and began to overlap with one another, and the intensity of the feeling grew difficult to bear. The girl began to tremble involuntarily.

“You can squirm if that makes it easier,” said the entity. “I’ve got you.”

She did not squirm per se, but the girl did shiver a lot. The sense of pressure in her head intensified as well, and at the same time she began to feel the physical pain the entity had alluded to. It started across all parts of her body at the same time: a burning, stinging sensation like acid seeping gradually beneath her skin. She focussed on the pain as it spread deeper, into her muscles and bones. It dulled her sense of touch, as if she were being corroded; she lost sense of the shape of her body, of where her skin ended and the entity’s touch began. Everything blended into formless pain. The pressure in her head was still intensifying, and seemed to come from both inside and out; accompanying it now was a nauseous feeling as anxiety clashed with excitement. Tears began to form in her eyes, and she started to sob. But she felt a sense of assurance from the entity, and willed herself to relax. Things were easier when she was able to quell her resistance, but she could not dismiss her fear entirely. Her consciousness seemed to be vanishing, and she could not fully divine what would replace it.

The girl began to hyperventilate, though she did not realise it. The pain had become so intense that she was left with little choice but to focus on it now; it was as though she had been ignited. She bit her lip again as hard as she could bear- a distraction from a distraction. Whenever thoughts arose in her mind, she bit even harder. At least a minute passed before she recognised the taste of blood from her mouth.

At some point, the girl could no longer think of whether she could handle what she was experiencing, or whether it was really worth it. She only hoped that these excessive sensations would be over soon. It all felt too big for her, as if there were not enough nerves in her body to convey what she was supposed to feel. Trying to think of anything was like trying to listen to a radio station that was being drowned in static. The girl told herself over and over again to relax, like a mantra, until she could no longer form anything like a word in her head, and until the self to whom her words had been directed was forgotten. Slowly she seemed to acclimate to the experience, and she began to notice the feelings of hope and excitement from the entity once again- at least, she deduced that they were from it, but they no longer felt so foreign now. She had the impression that the world was closing gently but snugly in, like a flower blooming in reverse, petal by endless petal; yet interspersed were these stunning moments where she felt as if she had a dozen slender limbs splayed out in all directions, and like she was holding something delicate and warm. The feeling she experienced in these moments was gentle but intoxicating, evoking memories of the ocean in late summer.

These moments of having a different body grew longer and more frequent, and the girl could feel as her own now not just the entity’s limbs, but also hundreds of little, needle-thin appendages lining them. She felt the limb that was curled around her, or what used to be her. She realised that the intoxicating feeling she had experienced was in fact the entity’s affection for this person, which she could finally share now that she was becoming something better. Relief and pride filled her heart, and it could have been from her or from the entity. The distinction held increasingly little meaning.

These new feelings quelled the girl’s worries, and quickly she began to gain confidence. She was on the other side now, she thought, and she could finally begin to feel the joy that she knew had been awaiting her. Her feelings grew deeper than they even could have before, as if they were reverberating between the entity and her. A kind of endless agreement, or what one might call harmony. The tugging hope and joy the girl had come to love became more continuous, and it was easier now for her to get lost in the beauty of these feelings. And get lost she did, for what felt like a long time; hours or days perhaps, she did not know. But eventually the feelings mellowed, and the girl fell into a contented state; a feeling like looking up at the sun from the bottom of a deep lake. She knew this feeling must be of the entity; it seemed too mature to have come from her alone.

_ There must be more who are lonely,  _ the duo remembered.  _ Surely we must help them, too. _

__ And thus, with renewed determination, the entity resumed its search.


End file.
